Today is the start of and obviously the first day of my and many others end of year examination. It proceeded on as per normal, English Paper 1 was and will always be the first paper. Maybe for this year, English as a subject may seem much more significant than the rest of the years. Chances of getting retain because of failing English can be quite scary.

I got the question paper like everyone else did and to my surprised I didn't really know which question should I attempt. It was all kind of tricky. The question looked interesting and you would have thought that you have every points just for it. I was tempted to do the argumentative one but it occured to me that my future hangs in the balance. Then I looked on to other question, it was to recount an occasion that your decision actually made everyone else disappointed with you. Cant really write that, can you? You will never ever get close to whats on everyone's mind simultaneously. If you can, it means either you're lying or majority of the people in the world are idiots, in which case the majority would see you as "banana". Next I saw the very first question, "Determination".

I just started writing something out in the answer script, starting out with big sayings like determination had and will always be the driving force for anything to achieve its success and so on. Then I got stucked just right at the second paragraph, no idea how I'm going to carry on. So I just got on to impromptu, like how I'm writing for blog post. Writing out whatever comes to my mind. It may sound crazy and suiciding but at the end it all make sense and it did linked things up. I wrote about some thing I remembered when I was in primary school and mixed it with some imaginations, then linked it up with what happened in my secondary 2 years. Not really an literal account though, more metaphorically like figure of speech. After I wrote and concluded the essay, my mind just turned on started itself doing reflection.

Of course its about determination. I wrote in my essay that there is a downside to it. You could end up being obsessed with yourself, your aspiration and in due time self destruct. To some people it might hold true, to others it might not. To others, maybe those that had self destructed wasn't incisive with their direction or wasn't determine enough.

So what I'm trying to really say is, it has come to my mind that there is a high chance, the existence of absolute truths and answers or solutions for anything might not be possible. From here, you could see that truths are likely to be relative than absolute in some cases.

Therefore my point being, when you want to see results for something, you do something about it, anything. If you do nothing by just going through the motion (also means doing the same thing expecting different results), nothing changes. Somehow whether you failed or you succeed, you will have the right answer to your situation. Cause the ironic here is that you cant know whether you failed or succeed without having an answer meant for your situation.

Which also proves this quote "Everything will be okay in the end, if its not okay, its not the end". However, at least for me, common sense will tell me its crap. If the quote is true, life is meaningless. What's the point of being "okay" at the end, when you know you cannot really be literally at the end and know its the end, unless you've been there and managed to come back, which is still not the end. Ultimately, the end is the end, nothing else. If being okay at the end is the answer to you then starting a "start" would be meaningless. Because when there is no start, it would have already been an end, which is nothingness, which is "okay" in that sense for the quote.

SEE, its relative! I just wrote out two things that makes sense but yet completely contradicts each other. The contradiction being, the earlier paragraph tells you to do something to get your answer, the next paragraph tells you to do nothing and you would get your answer and be okay in the end.

You can see it as an paradox or an anomaly, OR you can take that there really isn't a definite or absolute in something. If you do think there is definites and absolutes, you would indirectly be claiming that you know everything in the world, in which case you don't. Because by calling definite, you rule out all other possible possibilities possible.

So the questions remains:
Relativity
1. Is your life full of significance or is it meaningless?
2. Is there an answer to everything or there's no solution?



(I hope until here it had at least made you think, so if you're really miserable and feel life's meaningless then the thinking would have made it significant, which is again insignificant for you if you think life is meaningless)



This post is really just for me to keep a record in my archive, so when I look back in the future I need not do any further thinking than this. Sorry if you're tortured =)

Its 1 week more to the start of End Of Year Exam and it seems so overwhelming to me. This time round the results will clearly path out where I'm going next year.

This week I'm quite discouraged by the comment given by my MT language teacher, kind of got shot left right center with his words. I don't exactly know what he wants, as there really are some inconsistency with his expectations. In the writing, when you add in detailed account of what happened to add more words, its like next to rubbish for him. And yet, he like writings with many words filled. He likes people who memorise the linking sentences well and maybe mock at those who doesn't. In this case, he would like to coil the term "乱写". Well, in most cases not very edifiying and makes me feel like crap when what I tried with my effort to improve turned out as a joke. I don't really like studying hard for instant gratification. If you know what I mean, its like memorising as much and working for a single test, just for the sake of the test. When its over, you tend to remember nothing and nothing gets to your head in the end. When you realised it, you would end up wasting a bulk of time. It just don't make sense.

Tuesday was my brother's enlistment date, well it would be a major transition for him. Hope he would cope with it well. Its just a new phase of life for him, nothing to really grief or dread about. Some people thought of it as though its a one way street and there's no coming back of it.

Talked with him about our family. Well, my family is kind of a cold one I would describe. Whatever things anyone is doing is doing it, will be more of out of commitment than it is of love. When something needs to be done, its because its needed and not because its a want or a desire for good. I guess my parents pretty much expects me to take care of everything in the house. Its as though the responsibility is on me than its supposed to be on them. They talk about time managing and prioritising, they said my always ending up without getting enough sleep is of poor time management. What about them? They come home late and don't really take ownership of stuff they are supposed to. Whevenever its questioned, I would get this reply " if not want you for what? ". They don't seem to get that sacrifices is ultimately needed in order for things you want to work out. Just like how do I juggle all the balls steadily? I find something less important and replace it with something more significant. In this case, sleeping would be less important for me. You don't really need long sleeping hours to have energy, a good 10 mins of power nap would be much effective. At the rate its going, its just matter of time before another hiccup. Nowadays, the term "busy-ness" is so often articulated conveniently to bypass from situation people are boxed into.

I have been really questioning to myself, whether or not I believe in eternity in our reality. If there Is a God, will it be relevant to humanity? Just like would a bug be relevant to the universe? Would a person succeed if he give in to everything of God's principles or the bible, without having a relationship, like a father and son? If yes, then it ought to be a subset of maybe a philosophy. I got one conclusion, whether or not its nothing or eternity after death , what matters is now, where we are living off. I've been a christian for some years, and now and then, I do see contridiction and irregularities in action or speech. Its perfectly fine for me, as really no one is perfect at all and I've really changed and gain alot just by integrating into the church. But I cant help questioning things, maybe its disbelief but ultimately, without disbelief there wouldn't be a need for faith or belief. Don't worry about me, although sometimes I find it pointless for quite some many things but well its a lifestyle for me now. You wouldn't understand it, I will go on and find my answers.

Three principles that really got in me is:
"People don't care how much you know, until they know how much you care"
"You can give without loving, but you cant love without giving"
"Maturity doesn't come with age, it comes with the acceptance of responsibility"

And from what I've observed, "Everybody lies". White lies, poka dots or black lies, its still lies. Intentionally or unintentionally, knowing it or not knowing it, human lies. Thats because of one principle about selfishness in people, its what really keep humanity going on. You can imagine a world without selfish thoughts running all the time in people's mind or head, it doesn't work. Everthing changes and it don't make sense, at least to me. You can't fight for your own happiness without depriving someone, you would say its not true, thats because you don't know everyone in the world. By the word "fight" it already means getting something you want, doesn't matter forcefully or not.

For most people I know, I know not many feel the least comfortable talking about things like this. Some people believe in predestined fate and some people would rather get easy explanation for things they don't understand , which is accepting whatever is given. However, I do know one person, Chuan Wei if you know. Good thing is he stands for what he believes and is convinced in, he's aetheist (don't believe in God). Bad thing is he don't look into possible doubts that would make him doubt his ideas. Skeptics and scientist would be curious and eager for new ideas that had yet been proven.

Whatever it is, I might be wrong and I stick to, "if anything would matter, it would be what is now in our lifetime".

Hey guys, the one week holiday sure past damn fast. This week had been quite a happening one for me, went to Costa Sands Pasir Ris twice and both trips staying for one night. Tuesday went together with "The People" to Topone KTV at bugis to celebrate Kyrene's birthday. It was awesome and you get to enjoy more than what you pay, definitely cost efficient and affordable.

Also, I went to a performance at Esplanade with Choir to support our conductor herself performing and to widen our exposure to singing. The performing group is obviously a choral group, Singapore Youth Choir (SYC). Though most of the people are twice our age but yep, they are still called SYC and FYI they were the ones that got their voice recorded in the National Anthem.

Last friday, also made a trip down to Sentosa with some friends and also some school mates. It was really fun and tiring. We played Volleyball and later some random ball games on water. Did something crazy also. We (the guys) were actually challenged to take off our pants in the water and swing it in the air. Didn't really dare to do it at first but since everyone was in the spirit, so I just did it. Wasn't really that shameful or difficult as we're in the water.

On thursday, I went to school to help out in the Solar City competition. It was at the environment building at Newton and what caught my attention most was the spectacular view at the roof of the building. It was not exactly very high up in air, at 25th floor but you really get to see actually how exactly developed is Singapore. There's really lots and lots of building and also grounds covered by those small forests. I went off after the registration of the primary school category to Bishan Library for a short lecture on Quantum Physics. It was kind of interesting but what the professor was really talking about is Quantum Entanglement and also a bit of Quantum Cryptography. Actually, also a small presentation of his work and research. Asked some questions and didn't really have definite answers. What I felt was maybe the Professor didn't really see questions coming as questions but as challenge or doubt to his work.

I also did a personality test a few days back and I got back the same result as 1 1/2 years ago, an INTP. Copied quite a number of description about my personality so if you're interested, go ahead =)

Here are the pictures:

Esplanade:

Topone KTV:

These Big Specs photos are imitation of Fang Da Tong:

Sentosa:

lols, now my post don't lack pictures. They're important as your brain needs visual stimuli. By the way, all the pictures are leeched from Kyrene's blog but still its a list of my events.

:Zo Lang Ai Zai:

Self-Esteem

Self-Worth

Security

*Below is the INTP profile description

Introverted iNtuition Thinking Perceiving

INTPs are known for their quest for logical purity, which motivates them to examine universal truths and principles. They are constantly asking themselves and others the questions 'Why?' and 'Why not?' Clear and quick thinkers, they are able to focus with great intensity on their interests. They appreciate elegance and efficiency in thought processes and require them, even more so, in their own communications. They may be seen as unwilling to accept what everyone else regards as truth. While often low key in outward appearance and approach, the INTP is 'hard as nails' when challenging a truth. INTPs do not like to deal with the obvious. They are at their best in building conceptual models and developing unusual and complex ideas.

INTPs tend to either respect and go along with society's rules, or to question and rebel against them. Their response to these rules depends on how the rules might affect them. When INTPs do not like the rules, they are quick to find the flaws in the rule makers' thinking, regardless of their status, position in the hierarchy, or renown.

In school, well-rounded INTPs work on their assignments with a great deal of inward energy and interest that is usually not apparent to others. They tend to connect unrelated thoughts. As learners, they are able to find logical flaws in the thinking of others. They analyze these flaws and find ideas for further study. They go to great depths in their analysis.

In taking exams, they prefer theorectical questions. When INTPs view a test, teachers, or subjects as irrelevant, they may respond as follows: 'I know what I need to know about this topic; I may even know more than my teacher. The teacher made this test, and this test is dumb. Therefore, my teacher is dumb, and I will not do the test.' Because of such reactions, the INTP's academic record may include successes or may be filled with failures.

INTPs prize intelligence in themselves and in others, but can become intellectual dilettantes as a result of their need to amass ideas, principles, or understanding of behavior. And once they know something, it is remembered. INTPs can become obsessed with analysis. Once caught up in a thought process, that thought process seems to have a will of its own for INTPs, and they persevere until the issue is comprehended in all its complexity. They can be intellectual snobs and may show impatience at times with others less endowed intellectually. This quality, INTPs find, generates hostility and defensive behavior on the part of others, who may describe an INTP as arrogant.

For INTPs, the world exists primarily to be understood. Reality is trivial, a mere arena for proving ideas. It is essential that the universe is understood and that whatever is stated about the universe is stated correctly, with coherence and without redundancy. This is the INTPs final purpose. It matters not whether others understand or accept his or her truths.

INTP's deal with the environment primarily through intuition, and their strongest quality, the thinking function, remains relatively hidden except in close associations. Therefore, INTP's are often misunderstood, seen as difficult to know, and seldom perceived at their true level of competency. They are inclined to be shy except when with close friends, and their reserve is difficult to penetrate. They are very adaptable until one of their principles is violated. Then INTP's are not adaptable at all! They may have difficulty in being understood by others because they tend to think in a complicated fashion and want to be precise, never redundant in their communications. Because their feeling qualities may be underdeveloped, they may be insensitive to the wants and wishes of others, often unaware of the existence of these wants and wishes.