Got back my report book today. I really suck in my results. My L1R4 is 26 R5 is 35. I literally can go and bang the wall with my head. My aim for O lvls L1R4 is 13. It's 2 times off the target!
I really lost it this time round.
I'm aware of the reason why I'm doing so badly. There's lot's reason but it just appear as excuses to some people because you are not me. Even if there's some understanding then the conclusion will be that I'm a fool, I wasted my time on things that is worthless and useless and totally destructive and unconstructive.
I've almost wasted the 3/4 of last term doing practically nothing for studies. All the time worrying about stuffs that are complete drama, fake and lies. Back then I still thought that I could give up everything just to piece things back together. I've given my time, my energy, my thinking into it. I put MY BLOOD INTO IT! All that for just an ACT, how GREAT yea? And also imagined you're staying in a house that have no peace for one day. Yea, qurrel everytime and screams and shouts, how in the hell do you get to concentrate or rather just even have the slightest movitvation to want to do something about studies?
I really HATE it, hate the fact that I wasted my FREAK time on Thing that ARE FAKE and just an ACT! I accept the fact that I'm not smart or just an average person, but I cant accept that I've been such a Dumb fool. Yea I can only blame myself for all this crap, apparently there wasn't gun point at me when I make my decision. Happy? Savvy?
However, I'm grateful that all that had happened, happened. This just made me realised my mistake and what I normally cannot comprehend about people. Give me truth to my conviction, it's getting harder to relate now. I don't want to make the same mistake. Is my own confusion reality or fiction?
Anyway, I did study for the mid-year examinations. It's just not sufficient, kind of last minute thing. But at this rate of studying like everyday for many many hours from now onwards, I believe I will see results in the next term to come. It just needs to be consistent, it takes time to prove results.
