You look so full of despair
Watching you through my eyes
Wondering what kind of thoughts, hopes, dreams you
might come to share
I am your friend
I hope you understand
Whatever fears or worries you may have
I want to help you in whatever way I can
Why do you hate yourself so?
Hiding inside yourself
Where is the girl I used to know?
If only you had enough courage
To love yourself as you should
I know the feeling of loneliness
I wish to help you if I only could
For the girl that I am looking at
The girl so full of despair
Tho one who seems to hate herself so much
Thinking that nobody seems to care
For the girl that I am looking at
The girl that I tend to see
Is nothing but a true, reflected image
An image I call me......
Got myself to get hold of this poem or whatever you call it. I think it speaks of, I believed what most people have felt while living this life, Loneliness? Despair? Frustrations? and Resentment? If you had not felt like this before then life's great for you.
Don't know about you, but I am prone or tend to have the feeling that whatever I'm doing, I'm always by myself or alone. Its like whenever you're faced with things and you look around you, hoping you could find someone to load the burden together with you, you just seem to fail seeing anyone around.
You go on and think, after 4 -5 years down the road, would people around you be still around you. Maybe for your family yes but the so called "friends" you've made? Most of the people don't realise we've actually made more schoolmates or colleagues if you will, than friends. School mates are those that happens to be doing the same thing at the same place with you, they have to be around you because they need to, not because they want to.
I've literally lost touch or contact with my primary school "friends" or "best-friends". And also people that used to intersect with my schdule disappear. Once there isn't a common interest on, Bam and its gone. Can't blame people, humans do change from time to time. Its a constant and on going thing. I've read people's blog that have archives for over 1 or 2 years. I read each different months in the different year and I notice Change in it. Even for myself, I read my past arhchives. I think I've gone through some changes. You can easily tell it by just looking at the way any person types.
Anyway, you can actually easily identify people around you, who would be there for you. Its not all that difficult to identify, its just a matter of how you can accept it and lower your expectations. The lower your expectations, the less disappointed. For me, I don't really like expecting much from people around me. I had once but was let down, ergo I don't really like depending much on people. Most of the time it wont turn out as what you want it to be. This somehow just makes one feel pathetic or maybe miserable. You want to believe that an individual can be counted on but yet you just know that you know that you know it won't happen.
You can't really talk with pretty much anyone about this kind of things. Most of the time you haven't even started much on sharings, all the positive cliché or common stuffs comes in. Or you just cannot express things like this to people you think that would not be there. They are there for the moment because they somehow got to know something, once you convinced them that you're fine. Bam its gone. Sometimes you get confused with your emotions, you don't really know what you're thinking or what you're saying. You will be thinking its ridiculous, but its just like that.
..I just wish and hope that I'll have the honor, just a chance to make it work out. I've done all that I could and pretty much run out of most things to ask or talk about. I just need an affirmation pertaining to it. I will have to move on somehow someday, just a matter of forward or backward. Just cant contain it no m
ore..
